JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
