Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
