So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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