Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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