i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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