I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
