If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
