oh god the rape fog is back!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
