I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
