Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
