Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
