If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Girls should come with a carfax report
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize