There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just googled if crying burns calories
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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