Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
