apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
