honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
