I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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