a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
