You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
