Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
