I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
