I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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