I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
