Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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