good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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