I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
