at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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