what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
