The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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