The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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