I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
