You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
