So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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