I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
