I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
