I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
