Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
