So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
