i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Your penis caused this!
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