They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
