his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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