I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
