I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
time to smoke my breakfast
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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