you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
