I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
