I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
