So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
