So gin and wine won't be happening again
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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