I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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