They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
