...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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