i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
