Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
