Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
