Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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