i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
