well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
