I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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