he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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