So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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