So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
