I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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