Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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