Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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