she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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