At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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