i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
