and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
