I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dear god my vagina.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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