I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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