the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
