The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
