kristin has been a bad kristin
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize